Hi. I'm not a father, but I play one in utero. Ok, so my wife is preg-o, and I'm not talking about the canned sauces. I saw the first of many pictures of the little wiggler, and I have to say, I am becoming more and more annoyed with fathers these days.
I work wich children. I'll not give you any more than than, but I work with children. One father I know refuses to actually do anything beneficial for his child. He believes that by dominating the poor kid and bending the child to his every will, he is benefitting the boy. Ok, so the teachers this child has are all complaining that the child is becoming difficult to handle and shows controlling tendencies. Obviously the mother's fault, right?
Another father I know takes week long vacations during the Christmas Holidays. This would be great if the rest of the family were invited. It would be less worse if the father were not always away on trips for business. I know it's not my place to judge, and I'm not. This father (just like the previous one) believes that he is doing what is best for his children.
It is interesting that all too often we look at things we do and defend them as things we do for others. Are we really doing things for others? What does doing things for others look like?
Well, this is something we can define by what it is not. Doing for others does not include the words, "I, me or myself." Doing for others does not take a vacation. It is not something that understands the phrase, "No time for..."
Why, "No time for..."? If we say, "No time for work." That is a complaint, is it not? If we don't have time for something, there is an implied, "I" which we know is off the mark at the start of it! What is a good idea, and a good practice, is "what would you like to do?" That will truly begin our struggle down the path of other-centeredness. Just ask your partner this week or next. "What would YOU like to do." Then put no qualifiers on it. Make no adjustments, do it exactly as the other person wants it to be done. If you can do that, you have acheived a new level of awareness.